Age is nothing but a number till you get old

Have you noticed that they are hardly any news presenters over 50 on our screens these days?

Julie Gichuru is about as old as it gets and if she wasn’t easy on the eye, she would have had to take up a managerial position.The obvious reason is that older women are not firmly curvy enough to be on air.

Once you are over 55 in this country, you are considered ‘expired goods’ and only good for philanthropy.

Ageism, which is discrimination on the basis of age is a real concern in the workplace. Old people are getting passed over for less competent younger nitwits because we have this fixed mindset that anyone over 55 ought be retired and sent off to farm in a rural area.

Youthful zeal

The “old geezer” stereotypes are quite real as an aspiring presidential candidate will tell you. As it, the prospects look pretty hazy for Raila Odinga.

With the likes of President Uhuru and his deputy William Ruto fronting youthful zeal, it is going to be a battle fighting off age stereotypes. Raila Odinga’s peers are all shuttling back and forth from European hospitals trying to stay alive.

The days of exploiting the narrative of youth and inexperience are over. We now look at old age as a liability and it is even coded in our daily speech.

You become 21, turn 30, push 40, reach 50 and make it to 60 and after 70 your family starts to plan your funeral.

Wicked sense

Which is unfortunate because I have had the privilege of retaining a lively cast of friends over 70.Men in their mid-70s who keep dragging me across town to watch live bands as I struggle to keep up.

I occasionally drop by a members’ club where the mean age is 72. Everyone drinks alcohol and talks about the sheer ineptitude of the political class.

Most of them drive and they are just as afraid of alcoblow checkpoints as the rest of us. The prosperous ones all have kids waiting for them to die, to get an inheritance.

They all crane their necks when a beautiful woman walks past and observe a moment of silence in appreciation of the firmness of youth.

Most of them have great memories and possess a wicked sense of humour. Some of my best jokes are gleaned off conversations with this over 70 bunch.

I love the honesty. There was one I heard about this guy who popped one pill too many of Viagra.

Since his wife had been lying ‘fallow’ for months on end (his words) she what not the least bit amused by his new found enthusiasm. He moaned about his wasted erection the whole evening. A firm erection is not easy to sustain at his age.

I have met raunchy old ladies in their mid-60s with leery looks in their eyes and who call every man they fancy, handsome.

They tend to show off pictures of their younger selves, always a studio shot back from the black and white, glamour-retro years of the 60s and 70s.

Every old person was a young hottie once, so don’t be quick to judge a lady by her wrinkles. I am over 40 now and considered ancient by some 21-year-olds.

Free advice

In about a decade, I will have young people treating me well and hoping that I will include them in my will as a sign of gratitude.

People even ask me for life advice nowadays. Well, here is more free advice. If you haven’t made your second million by the age of 40, give it up.

You might as well concentrate on parenting and critiquing political leaders.