How men of old bonded with their children

[Photo: Getty]

There are certain things you see that the eye never forgets. Like I remember this man who drove into a public park nearly 20 years ago and walked out with a small boy I assumed was his son.

The two removed a football from the backseat of the car and spent an hour kicking it about – back and forth – till the sun set. Then they drove off, without once saying a word to each other.

Then last year, my eye saw something even more powerful and poignant. Waiting for a matatu, I noticed a short man, not an inch over 5 feet, crossing the street with his two young daughters, twins I thought, not older than three. He thrust his puny chest out and swaggered like he was a five-star army general.

It was not impossible to figure out the reason the little fellow was walking like he owned the world. He worshiped his daughters, and the feeling was clearly mutual.

More touching is the tiny girls held onto daddy with confidence, knowing they were safe and that nothing could harm him – not even a speeding ten tonne truck.

I am not sure how accurate they were, but I can bet my last shirt that that man, who looked like weighed only 50 kilos, would have killed a much bigger man to protect his daughters.

munch goat meat

But that aside, those two parents were “bonding” with the children. Like most city folk, parents bond with their kids in different ways – they do movies, they drive out of town to munch goat meat, they read together or go for walks. The lazy ones just watch TV.

In essence, modern parents use bumming and recreation as a means of bonding with the future generation. It is a far cry from my days as a child.

To begin with, parents had never heard of ‘bonding’. Children were supposed to be seen and not heard, and it helped when they engaged in child labour.

So if you were a girl, you ‘bonded’ with your mother by holding onto the calf while she milked the cow. You bonded on the farm; while you perched a small bag of grain and walked beside her to the posho mill; when she sent you to bring firewood; when you minded the baby while she cooked.

listening to salaams

If you were a boy, you bonded with your father when he wrestled cow while you put some nasty herbal concoction in its sick eye; when you helped him wash the car; mend the fence.

I have a special memory about bonding with my father. When he was unwell, the one and only thing that cured his malaise was Sloans.

Mother would boil water and dad would put two spoonfuls of the magical elixir into the steaming water. Then we could cover ourselves in a blanket and would breathe in and out – deeply. Aaah!

And that was it, till the next time he fell sick. In the meantime, you worked your skinny bum off and kept out of his way.

Bond by listening to radio salaams, taking walks or eating soggy chips and nibbling on goat ribs in pubs with my father? You must be out of your mind!