Small Campus Girl Don’t Tell Me You Are Hot!

If you think you are hot then sit naked on maize and let it burn into popcorns.

It’s amazing when you meet some lady at the mama-mboga stalls. She is standing right behind you like it is a queue. Her lips are red hot, good! Her eye brows are cut and painted afresh in some kiwi or charcoal soup, nice!

Her cleavage screams demanding your eyes to peep, those things are exposed to the tip of that other thing we can mention…not bad! Her legs, the vicinity climbs all the way to her thighs; we call it Thai-land and Bam-kok! Not bad!

At the mama mboga you pay Ksh.10 and order for kales; that very moment she raises her nose and twists her mouth in abhorrence, as if silently castigating you in hatred simply because you are purchasing vegetables. USA remember! Surprisingly she also buys the same after you, does it means mboga yake anapelekea sungura?

I’m in a constant resentment of this campus ladies,who have solely elevated themselves into some alien creatures way out of this planet. In essence they perceive themselves as “hot ladies”, too posh for this planet!

You think you are hot simply because you wear tonnes of make-up on your face, making you look like something that just escaped from purgatory. The weight of the make-up on you is enough to break down a wheelbarrow. Your lipstick can repaint an entire Coca-Cola depot shop! Worse is some of you “hot” ladies confuse nail cutex for lipstick, shindwe! We shall pray for you for free!

You think you are hot simply because there’s a bald-headed old forgie with a bulging stomach who picks you every Friday evening in a 3rd class Isuzu KVX. You go on a drinking spree and return every Sunday with a Naivas polythene and your oversized handbag carrying all the panties you changed through the entire weekend.

He’s a clever old man, he knows his needs;a good weekend massage for his tummy, and you are the cheapest he can afford by simply enticing you with a weekend shopping. That is why he does you shopping that is enough only to last you for a week so that the next weekend you have all reasons to “crave” for him.

I got no words for you, come for an additional stock of e-pills. We also do legalised abortion and give free ARVs, feel free to visit us at Common Room 5000.

Now that you think you are hot, you cannot cook, you only go out! You don’t have the semester’s course outline but have the best knowledge of the latest alcohol brand that tastes good. Again you do not cook, chips is what you know, Pizza is your thing!

You’ll grow fat and die thin. We will look for a good fundi to design your casket, then we shall take a moment of silence and sing “let the dead bury themselves!”