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10 signs your loving wife has mpango wa kando

It is easy to know when a man is cheating. Like a clumsy rhino, a philandering husband will leave a trail of hard evidence. When a woman cheats, the kids will remain clean and well fed, dinner will be more sumptuous than before, and her night time headaches will disappear. Here are signs your loving wifey is entertaining a side mattress:

1. ‘Baby on Board’ sticker When a woman has children, her car has kiddie stuff; a misplaced teddy bear, a Ladybird story book or a feeding bottle. But when she has a mpango, any reminder of her kids over stolen moments will be thrown out. The ‘Baby on Board’ sticker on the rear window will be ripped off; the baby’s seat strapped on the back left as well.

2. Turkish trouser suits Being married with three naughty brats gives very few women time to take care of their dress code. If HR would allow it, many can report to work draped in a lesso, a stocking rolled on their heads. So, when madam suddenly has taste for Turkish trouser suits, besides sporting French manicure, she’s making herself beautiful. But not for you.

3. Lingua Franca/music Women tend to gel into most situations better than men. They can change their accents easily, same as the music they listen to. When her new man is a rock fan, the car stereo of the missus will be tuned to a local Rock station. If her new man is younger, her language will shed off 10 years to one that will even shock your teenage children.

4. ‘Kabambe’ swapped for the S6 Women with kids rarely keep expensive smart phones as kids always play with mummy’s phone, cracking the surface. Most have kabambes/mulika mwizis. When your wife suddenly acquires an S6 Samsung, and she frequently posts pictures on social media, but minus you and resident brats then that’s a red flag right there.

5. Timetable changes A woman who would spend her entire leave days in the house, playing with the kids will suddenly start coming home late with excuses about new membership to this and that chama.

6. Pumping iron She will acquire new hobbies and from the blue will be an avid squash player, meaning she does it at the sports club —where you are not a member —thus justify being out the entire Saturday afternoon...being squashed! If she suddenly becomes conscious of her weight, yet you have never given her reason to, then someone with monkey and wheelbarrow styles up his groin just did.

7. Beauty, facials, mud bath/sauna Women in love tend to radiate. If your wife radiates, and the last time you touched her was when South C was flooded, then someone is working overtime, somewhere.

8. Smooth all the way A woman who never cared about the thicket on her armpit will suddenly discover waxing. If she kept it busy down there claiming it kept her warm, but it’s suddenly ‘smooth all the way’, then just know grass doesn’t grow on a busy road!

9. Here are my pips

A cheating woman will not keep the same old front-pew church going friends. A wife with a mpango wa kando must tell a girlfriend her secrets, hence, a new circle of friends to entertain her new catch.

10. Pussy footing

A cheating woman will go to all lengths to keep her husband from knowing what she has been up to, or she will openly do it so that the husband can see. Women don’t pussyfoot when they want to revenge.

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