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Where panadol is used to cook ‘githeri’ and ARV fed to chicken

Counties

Githeri meal

Ugandans recently woke up to shocking news that some restaurant operators in Kampala use panadol--yes, that popular painkiller-- to prepare meals that take long to cook!

They allegedly use it to tenderise maize and ‘tough’ legumes such as beans and green grams, molokony (hooves used to make a soup that cures hangovers) and meat so as to save on cooking fuel.

The National Drug Authority has since picked up the matter and warned such unscrupulous business people to stop it, citing probable long-term health effects. Only in Uganda.

However, these crooked restaurant operators are not alone. They are actually in great company because farmers, too, are doing things that would startle the average Ugandan who often eats in hotels.

By the way, those of you who regularly travel to this land of matoke via road, perhaps you should give that tasty roadside chicken a wide berth. First, if local reports are to be believed, chances are that juicy drumstick you are always served at our hotels is not from chicken, but wild birds from Mabira forest.

Seeing as Kienyeji (free range) chicken is expensive and takes long to mature, it’s believed some of the local farmers now feed their chicken ARVs for faster growth and weight gain.

Also, some farmers are alleged to be feeding them to pigs to make them resistant to swine fever.

At this rate, we may be forced to start our own small scale farms and eat from home because your favorite restaurant or mama pima may be killing you slowly.

TALENT POOL

These incidents made me realise Uganda has a large untapped talent pool of would-be chemists and doctors, and that is why the government is never concerned about the brain drain as our best and brightest offer their services to the highest bidder overseas.

Ugandans love shortcuts. It’s amazing how we, for instance, ignore all recommended farming procedures but we are still East Africa’s food basket.

Our land is so fertile that some households still practice ‘broadcast farming’— they go to the farm and just toss out seeds by the handful.

We do not have much need for fertiliser as our rich soils allow our crops to produce in abundance. This has led to a lot of creativity in how we do things to make a quick buck.

Meanwhile, hair is a woman’s shining crown that is why we invest heavily in oils, treatments and hair extensions aka weaves. Men rant and rave that they want their women to ‘look natural’, but half of them have no idea how much it costs to achieve that ‘natural’ look.

The hair growth products are expensive and maintenance requires frequent visits to the salon to ensure optimum growth.

The other day, while sitting in the salon I happened to overhear two women discuss how a certain plant growth formula from a famous MLM (Multi-level Marketing) firm has taken Kampala by storm. Apparently, that super growth formula for plants is being resold as a miracle hair growth formula.

How one can be convinced that a ‘natural formula’ for producing big juicy tomatoes and large green leafy vegetables can also be used to stimulate wild hair growth beats me.

Massive arrests

We trust our hairdresser and barbers more than our personal doctors, and if most have secret mixes that are alleged to produce amazing results were tested by the standards bureau there would be massive arrests.

Some hairdressers even pass off vikupuli (fakes like goat fur passed off as Brazilian hair extensions ) as originals.

When it comes to hair food, the trick is to buy one bottle of the original and mix it with other concoctions to sell it as a secret growth formula. That is Kampala for you.

 

 

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