We were toughened to be men, not freeloading gigolos

 Round and round: Rolling old tyres around the estate was a favourite game that shaped us into real men  Photo: File

Chinua Achebe’s book, Things Fall Apart, has very interesting observations. One of them goes thus: “Fortunately, among these people, a man was judged according to his worth and not according to the worth of the father.”

This book reminds me of my in high school days. For some of us, this was the first time we were joining a boarding school, away from the protective wings of our parents. It was at this stage that we proved that we were grown up men. We were reminded that we must work our way up, as what was owned by our parents was theirs and not ours.

Then, to show affection was a sign of weakness. The only thing worth demonstrating was strength. Even when one was bullied by his seniors, he was not supposed to cry. When growing up, we were always reminded by society that boys don’t cry in front of other people.

That, we were told, was the preserve of girls. I have said before that I think I make a good actor because after being disciplined by my father whenever I was out of line, he expected me to smile and look happy immediately I come into contact with the rest of world, or else I would be in more trouble!

Another quote gem from Things Fall Apart is: “I would not have a son who cannot hold up his head in the gathering of the clan. I would sooner strangle him with my own hands.”

Last week, as we were having lunch with Andrew Macharia, the MCA of Mlango Kubwa, we wondered what had gone wrong with modern day boys. They seem to shun work and don’t want to hustle. You are more likely to find girls hustling and not boys. More boys are turning out to be gigolos, ever on the lookout for older women, whom they hope will provide for them financially.

What happened to the biblical instruction that men should be providers? We came to the conclusion that this worrying trend has been mainly brought about by mothers. It is somehow understandable because, unlike in the past, today we are having more and more boys being brought up by single mothers. This, however, should not be an excuse.

I remember we used to have neighbours in Buruburu who were brought up by single parents, but were among the most disciplined.

I at times wish the ground would swallow me whenever I watch a big boy misbehaving with the mother trying to sooth him; calling him funny names like ‘Daddy.’ In our days, a boy was called by his full name from the time of birth, so that they could get an identity.

He was made to work when still young. Some of the chores included washing the family car, taking out the garbage, RUNNING to the shop (emphasis on ‘running’ because we were timed. This effectively ensured there was no room for gaining weight).

It is the boys who were expected to answer the door. When your sister was bullied, you were expected to protect her. It was an abomination to fight with a girl. We were all taught that our families were the best in spite of their shortcomings. Every other boy had a belief that the father was the strongest, the ‘first bodie.’

Young parents out there, stop pampering your boys as it leads to the emasculation of the boy child. Don’t fear to discipline them or exposing them to the hardships of life. This is important in shaping them as men in future and not ‘mummy’s boys.’ Teach them to acquire their own wealth, so that they don’t post videos on social media boasting about how much money their fathers have.

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@AineaOjiambo.