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Day colleague reaped wrath of his wife for pushing bar joke too far

Counties

Wrath of wife

Recent research findings indicating an increase in the number of men being subjected to violence by their wives should only shock those from Mars.

Men have always been ‘sat on’, though few would be courageous enough to admit it. We have all heard rumours of how even some of the high and mighty in our land are denied entry into their homes for reporting late.

And that started even before Hon Mututho crafted a timetable for men to observe while in pubs. Many men suffer in silence. This doesn’t only happen in Western or Central Kenya where the daughters of the legendary Wangu wa Makeri continue to rain terror on some men.

Chewing muguka then chasing it down with cheap alcoholic concoctions has made many men rather weak. Some would even be lifted off the ground like a kite if they encountered a whirlwind.

I once worked at a station where a colleague, Chris, used to suffer in his wife’s hands. He could never make a decision on a matter as simple as going out of the station if it meant sleeping out.

He always pleaded for more time to think over the matter. In reality he had to ‘consult’ his wife. At month end, she would accompany him to the bank to collect their salary. One day for some reason, he went for his salary without the wife’s security detail.

Colleagues who had all along detested his domestic arrangement conspired to lead him in a rebellion.

Having collected their salary from the bank, they convinced him to accompany them for nyama choma. As the meat was being roasted, they ordered for drinks and ended up taking one too many.

By the time they were leaving the pub, it was not only late but Chris was both ‘high’ and excited.

Flexible rubber whip

“Chris, tonight teach that woman a lesson,” they jokingly incited him. Fired up by the alcohol coursing in his veins, he swore to discipline her and even bought a nyahunyo, a flexible rubber whip.

“Today she will know who the man of the house is,” he vowed as he staggered to the bus stop. When he got home, the sight of his furious wife completely sobered him up.

The house help who witnessed the scene swore that he went down on his knees and confessed to ‘Mama’ that he had been tricked by his colleagues, and that he was very sorry.

He even removed the nyahunyo from his jacket and in great detail revealed the day’s happenings including some money he had given to a colleague for safe keeping.

After she had used the nyahunyo to make him completely sober, she led him to the colleague’s house to collect the money.

It was after that incident that more stories about Chris’ domestic issues began to do rounds in the staff room.

Being housed in the school compound, students must have been in the know.

A day after he had severely punished some, a drawing of a man being flogged by a woman mysteriously appeared on a wall near the staffroom! Then there was the day colleagues had rushed to Chris’ house upon hearing a commotion and his wife wailing.

On entering the sitting room, they found him cowering under the dining table. “And what are you doing under the table,” the alarmed colleagues asked him.

“Can’t a man sit wherever he likes in his own house? “he posed, while rising and dusting his clothes. After a fight, the couple would go out hand in hand! The principal asked him to look for a house outside the school compound in an attempt to cover up the scandal.

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