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A sideways look at how Kenya can win Big Brother Africa

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Following disastrous showings of Kenyan representatives to the Big Brother Africa reality show year after year, questions have been raised over what ails us. Perhaps it’s time to rethink who we send to represent us at the continent’s biggest reality show. Maybe we have been sending human beings when we should have been sending other things! It’s no use crying over spilt beer, but below are a few things that are in future likely to last longer than all our previous Kenyan contestants: 1. Fresh Milk — with fresh milk not having the ability to last for long when not refrigerated, the highly nutritious commodity is likely to last at the Big Brother Africa house longer than Kenyan contestants if previous history is anything to go by. In fact, throw in anything fresh including fish that’s likely to go bad in a matter of hours if left unrefrigerated and you have a winner.

2. Yes, the attention span of a two-year old toddler is shorter than their fingers. But compared to the length of stay of some of our Big Brother Africa contestants, if we were to  send the attention span of a tot, we would do better than we have ever done.

3. A hundred bob worth of petrol in a Range Rover. Look, when the economies of a boda boda meet with the mechanics of a Range Rover, you might be lucky to power down the windows, never mind driving out of the parking lot. But compared to the length of stay of our previous Big Brother Africa contestants, a hundred bob worth of petrol in a Range Rover will last longer than they have, making it a better value for our time and emotional investment. 4. Battery of a cheap android smartphone. The influx of cheap android smart phones in the country has led to embarrassing and annoying habits of Kenyans carrying their phone chargers everywhere they go. This is because their cheap androids keep running out power at will and unpredictably. So much so that pickpockets are now complaining of netting more chargers than coins in their daily work. But this is where we might be wrong about the batteries of cheap droids; at the Big Brother Africa house they are likely to last longer without being recharged than anyone who has ever represented the country. 5. January salary. There’s nothing that Kenyans wait for more eagerly than the January pay except perhaps a pay increase. And other than the owner of the pay slip there’s a whole ecosystem of creditors waiting for it including mobile telecoms waiting for you to pay back airtime you have been loaned, shylocks, the landlord, the local, friends, relatives and so on which sees it lasting only a few hours. But compared to the folks we have been sending down to South Africa, January pay might actually be a better deal. So there you have it Kenyans, next time you are involved in selecting the next Kenyan representative to the Big Brother Africa house think out of the box; there are better alternatives out there than we have been sending in the last nine seasons of the continent’s biggest reality show. With tourism doing so badly, we need all the foreign exchange we can get from alternative sources including from reality shows so who represents the country needs to be taken with a little more seriousness.

 

 

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