×
The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
  • Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
  • The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
  • P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
  • Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
  • Email: [email protected]

Having a rebound relationship is a good idea..

Relationships

rebound

After a break up, you are likely to find yourself in a rebound relationship.

You might take the relationship to be something like a temporary healing solution. You might also tell yourself that once the opportunity presents itself, you will go into a better and more dignified relationship.

In time, you form attachments to this person and find it harder to leave the relationship. You may get caught up in the web of this relationship and convince yourself to give it a try and to make it permanent.

At some point, you may be clear that this relationship is not for you and that you are in it temporarily. If you're lucky, you might leave the rebound relationship. It helps to be clear about your motives for doing anything. If the other person is not aware of your intentions, they may press for the chance to become more significant to you.

If you refuse, you might end up hurting the other person, which will leave you hurting with guilt, plus other new complications. Rebounds have a reputation for being messy and destructive.

As a counselor, I have learned that it isn't always a great idea to tell someone what to do or not do. I have had clients who were so traumatised by their break ups that in my professional opinion, they were likely to develop  depression and also appeared to be suicidal and that would have been the last thing I would have wanted for them.

Their partying was going out of control, their work related performance was dropping and in the privacy of my office, what they were able to reveal was genuinely of concern to me.

I tried to suggest medication, see one's support, sharing with others and so on only to later discover that my suggestions were just brushed aside. Such is the kind of pain relationships cause. And it is not a pretty sight even though later, breakups can be taken as a learning experience. Since therapy is a team effort, it is good to have clients participate in their healing.

In one particular case, as my client started having other relationships and trying to move on by dating, it became clear that this was a rebound relationship. That was okay with me, mostly because of the fact that it brought some peace of mind to her. I am not a judgmental moralistic person who insists you can only relate in such and such a manner until such and such a time and I was not going to be that at that time.

This client needed the confidence from this encounter and in time, she was able to get back on track at work and in other areas. Most of all, she felt better and stopped obsessing about death and the like.

To be able to get someone to come back from having gone "there" is reasonably good work especially if other methods have failed. To my knowledge she is doing better and is more settled. I appreciate having been a part of this.

This just goes to show that rebounds have a bad reputation, which can be unjustified. These relationships are thought of as dirty affairs in which the goal is to have as much sex and to just go wild. This description is not good or bad if the person doing it understands what they are getting into and is not deceiving themselves.

It also helps if doing so is something you can live with and if you are being honest. All humans slip, some fall and stay on the ground. Some people get up and keep on moving. Rebounds are like slipping.

Some people get into rebound relationships to relieve loneliness, sexual needs. However, so many have instead ended up leading to deeper and lasting love all the way to marriage and family.

My goal as a  counselor would be to help my clients bring more light to what they are doing and to help them own it. What people do and why they do it is often complicated and doesn't have a single simple answer, so that, in conclusion, rebounds can be thought of as neutral. What we think and interpret is what often counts.

 

Related Topics