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Arsenal fans are lost wannabes

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Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger

It was the May of 2002, and Arsenal had just beaten Manchester United 2-1 to win the English Premier League.

Arsene Wenger immediately declared that there had been “a shift of power in English football” and many Kenyan men believed him, and joined ‘The Goons.’

At the start of the 2003 season, the brusque Frenchman went even further to say, “AC Milan has done it in Serie A, and gone a whole season unbeaten.

So why is it shocking to say it here? That a team (Arsenal) can go a whole season unbeaten! Man U, Liverpool, Chelsea FC, they don’t say it only because they are scared to look ridiculous.”

Then the 2003-2004 season began, and Arsenal (with their newfound wannabe Kenyan fans) went on to win six games on the fly. Ruud van Nistelrooy (‘Rude Buoy’) had a gilded chance to make Wenger look ridiculous in game seven when, with the game tied at 0-0, Man U won a penalty in injury time.

Let’s face it. Shouting ‘six games unbeaten’ would have made even the most delusional Gunner look ludicrous on the streets.

But then Ruud blew it, and Arsenal went on to go that season unbeaten. And coming back from Russia as a newly minted Chelsea fan, it gave one, ‘The Blues’, to go to every local or even bar in town to see and hear all these ‘Goons’ screaming at every goal and shouting themselves hoarse, yet at the time, I only knew two other Chelsea fans in Nairobi – Nashville Ng’ang’a and Shaffie Weru, bas!

Yaani, we were like the Three Musketeers, minus D’Artagnan.

The 2004/2005 season began in much the same way, except now Arsenal had this huge horde of fans making Nairobi ungovernable with their loud makelele (us we only had Claude Makelele).

They bought cheap T-shirts from China with names like – Lehmann, Campbell, Kolo Toure (there is only one Yaya, Yaya Toure. All the rest are Sir Nugus!), Cashley Cole, Patrick Vieira, Gilberto, Ljunberg, Pires, Bergkamp and of course Thierry Henry.

I know there is a Gunner reading this, and tears are coming to their eyes as they remember the glory days of 10 years ago. Eleven games into the new season, Manchester United brought that unstoppable Goon bus to a crashing halt by beating them 2-0, and the way I celebrated that day, you would have thought I was Man U damu.

Fortunately, Chelsea went on to win the EPL by May, 2005, for the first time in fifty years, as ‘ma-haters’ and wannabes cried foul at Mourinho’s tactics ati ‘boring, boring Chelsea.’

Sexy football indeed! If you want sexy, si you go for a strip show at Apple Bees ama Lido’s?

Anyway, the phrase ‘49 Games Unbeaten’ became a rallying call for all Arsenal wannabes, and they called that class of heroes ‘The Invincibles.’

After that, there was one more minor trophy, then things went downhill fast. The Gunners were beaten in the 2006 Champion’s League final by Barcelona, with a fine goal from Samuel Eto’o. And that was the beginning of heart break for Goons.

Seven years of drought followed, with a minor trophy won late last year against Hull, and that after getting early heart attacks by Arsenal getting scored twice in the first ten minutes.

This is their worst start to a season since 1982. Mnakumbuka ‘coup’? That grumpy wannabe called Wenger tried to console himself by saying ‘an unbeaten season in the EPL can never happen again.’

But after Chelsea beats Sunderland late on Saturday, we will have gone twenty games unbeaten in all competitions – and then anything can happen.

I want to invite all the wannabes of Arsenal to vuka sakafu ka Bacary Sagna who said he left Arsenal so he could at least win a major trophy to show his kids someday.

If you stay a Gooner, you will be a wannabe goner one day, still ‘waiting for Godot’, mkufe bila kuona ‘Arsenali’ lifting a big trophy. Or Kibaki with a mo-hawk.

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