Lover's secret boozing during pregnancy left our son brain-damaged

Little Matthew Kaye is nearly eight.He loves Winnie the Pooh and Sonic the Hedgehog and has a mile-wide, heart-melting smile.

But he can’t talk properly, has difficulty walking due to curvature of the spine and deformed ankles, couldn’t eat solids until he was five and suffers from learning difficulties.

Mentally and physically Matthew is still five and his devoted dad, Martin, knows he will need care for the rest of his life.

He’s pleased that Matthew can say “Mummy!” when shown snapshots of his mother Angelique holding him in hospital.

But she’s not there to cuddle him now because she drank herself to death at 37. And she secretly drank all through her pregnancy too, causing his brain damage.

Born six weeks early, Matthew weighed just 2lb 11ozs, and was soon diagnosed as a victim of Foetal Alcohol Syndrome.

While in the womb, alcohol toxins from his mother’s body damaged his nervous system and destroyed brain cells.

In what amounts to a secret epidemic, new figures show cases of Foetal Alcohol Syndrome have tripled in 16 years and have risen 37% in the past three years.

Doctors fear that the 252 cases reported in 2012-13 are just the tip of the iceberg.

Mental and physical birth defects are often misdiagnosed and even when the truth is known, the guilt and shame often stops families owning up.

Matthew’s dad Martin remembers in chilling detail the moment his son’s problems were diagnosed.

“We were told it was Foetal Alcohol Syndrome and it was caused by drinking during pregnancy,” he says.

“I couldn’t take on board what the doctor was saying.

"Angelique sat next to me not saying a word. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. I kept thinking, ‘This is all your fault.’

“Afterwards I confronted her, but she wouldn’t discuss it. She didn’t apologise or try to explain.

"She refused to believe her drinking had hurt Matthew. She was in total denial.”

Now Martin is determined to warn women how much damage alcohol can cause during pregnancy.

He says: “I don’t know how much Angelique was drinking but I know now it doesn’t take a lot to cause irreparable damage.

"Booze is poison to an unborn baby, so don’t drink it. Simple as that.”

The couple met on an internet dating site in 2003.

Martin is a supermarket manager and Angelique De’Asha was a customs officer. They fell in love and she moved from Liverpool to live with him in Leeds.

He knew she had suffered from depression and attempted suicide but explains: “She told me I was the one who brought her out of it. We were so happy.

"I asked her to marry me and we were excited about sharing our lives and having a family.”

They were overjoyed when she got pregnant in 2006 and everything seemed to be progressing normally.

Although Angelique had an occasional drink, Martin believed it would not harm their baby.

“In hindsight she could have been drinking more,” he says. “I was working long hours and it would have been easy to hide.”

Then she went into labour six weeks early.

Martin recalls: “Matthew was born and rushed to a neonatal ward. We couldn’t cuddle him as he was in an incubator.

"He was tiny – I could have held him in one hand.”

With their baby in hospital for six weeks, Martin took time off work and was shocked to see how much Angelique was drinking.

“She was on cider,” said.

Matthew with dad Martin Team: Matthew and Martin Kaye

“That was the only drink she had ever had but she was getting through litre bottles of the stuff.”

He feared it was post-natal depression. She would drink before visiting Matthew and hospital staff became concerned too.

Martin says: “She was ashamed they knew about her drinking and managed to cut down.

"She was also seeing her GP about the depression and getting the right medication.

"When we finally brought Matthew home I felt we’d turned a corner.”

But he failed to thrive and was readmitted to hospital with feeding problems.

Martin says: “When they took X-rays they saw the bones in Matthew’s arms were fused.

"Eventually FAS was diagnosed.”

“I was angry, but at the same time it was clear Angelique was ill. And my main concern was our little baby boy.

"He was still so tiny and vulnerable. He needed me.”

Matthew was allowed home but had to be fed by tube.

Martin was regularly called home from work to help care for him and five months after the birth he had to go part-time when Angelique’s drinking got out of control.

“I’d demand she stop but she’d just say I was having a go at her. I had to put my anger aside.

"She was an alcoholic who needed help.

“At one stage she did go and see a counsellor and she did cut down, but that didn’t last for long.”

Soon after Matthew’s first birthday, Angelique took to her bed and only left the house to buy more booze, refusing pleas to get treatment.

Martin says: “Her doctor was trying to treat her depression and we were all trying to get her to go to rehab.

"She refused point-blank.

“She wouldn’t eat and lost all interest in Matthew. It was awful. She kept collapsing but wouldn’t go to hospital.

"I had to stop work completely.”

In March 2009 Angelique collapsed in the bathroom. Martin called an ambulance and followed in a cab as she was rushed to hospital.

“When I got there a doctor took me aside and said, ‘I’m afraid Angelique had a massive heart attack in the ambulance. We couldn’t bring her back.’

“It was a total shock. I was devastated.”

An inquest later ruled she had died of heart failure caused by alcohol abuse. Martin felt lost but focused on caring for Matthew.

“I felt sadness, anger, guilt and pity,” he said. “I hate to admit it, but life was easier without Angelique. I felt relief too.

Matthew took his first steps with a walking frame at three and was able to eat his first solids at five.

Martin says: “Sometimes he has to use his wheelchair as his ankles have not formed properly yet.

"His speech has come on, although he still uses sign language occasionally.”

Matthew with dad Martin Me and my dad: Martin gave up work to look after Matthew

Matthew’s oval-shaped face, thin nose bridge and smaller upper lip are common to many victims of FAS.

Developmental psychiatrist Dr Raja Mukherjee, a FAS expert, says: “So many people pass under the radar and there may be 3,000 cases on the wider spectrum.

“The increase may in part be due to young girls drinking more. Drinking interferes with the process of the brain developing.

"It depends on the amount you drink and how alcohol affects you as to what will happen to your unborn child.

“You don’t know if you are that individual who is vulnerable. You can’t work out someone’s individual risk.

“But the more you drink and the more regularly you drink, the more likely you are to cause problems.”

Martin, who now helps run a support group for parents with FAS children, says: “My son is a gorgeous little boy, the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

"But he will need care all of his life.