My two cents’ worth to Uhuru, Ruto

Last Friday I courteously told Deputy President William Ruto that the events that made him could eventually break him. The calls, e-mail and phone messages I received humbled me just by the sheer number. Thank you all.

Now my little contribution on how Jubilee leaders can get out of the uncomfortable bed they made for themselves; how Jubilee can deflate complaints about how thin the mattress is, how rickety the frame, how ragged the sheets and blankets, and even how painful the occasional flea bites. Hopefully this will somehow reach Uhuru and his deputy:

1.   Stop daydreaming about China: Of our national debt, over 64 per cent is what we owe Americans and Europeans; we  owe the “supportive” Chinese only five per cent. As Raila Odinga told President Kenyatta and Ruto, the Chinese are doing business – one chap actually said on YouTube that they come with their sufurias and onions, and sleep in containers. They will build wonderful roads but 30 years from now, the children of our children will still be paying the debts. Meanwhile the Chinese will be ploughing back billions of shillings in terms of raw materials and refurbishment projects. You must have seen them come with manpower and building materials; that is called bleeding a mouse to fatten a heifer.

2.   Interact with the lesser people: They have a different view of what you have been hearing; and they know what pinches them most, which you will never get from the feel-good guys you are often with. For quick reference, there is something that happened to France’s King Loius XVI and his wife Marie Antoinette in 1789; a riotous mob cried out for bread and the queen said they should be given cake. Turns out the palace was the only place you could still get bread and cake. She was living in another world; that is what power gives you – your own world.

3.  Set up a national economic and security advisory council: Without ruining your already tattered national granary at Treasury and Central Bank, and avoiding the temptation to print notes and devalue our currency, please pick a team of sages to give you an alternative narrative on how to confront these intertwined monsters:  economic recession, terrorism and  adverse travel advisories. By now you probably know that Joseph ole Lenku, Julius Karangi, David Kimaiyo, Francis Kimemia, Joseph Kinyua and Mutea Iringo have nothing new to tell you about the state of the nation and what you need to do.

4. Forget about ‘nusu mkate’ but unite the country: When, in 1992, the populous Luo and Kikuyu communities voted overwhelmingly against Mzee Moi, he returned to office knowing the number of those who voted against him far outnumbered his supporters. But he nominated Dalmas Otieno and Joseph Kamotho, and went ahead to make them the lynchpins of his party. Soon after, by just listening to the news, you couldn’t tell they were nominated or how their people voted. Now, forget Omamo’s daughter; her people still remember the cake of hate her father shared with Jaramogi. Simulate this in the Coast, Nyanza and Western regions and placate Rift Valley with a larger share of the pie, and you will lose less sleep. It starts with you casting the net wider when fishing for CVs.

5.   Lessons from dog muzzles: You surely must own a good dog; all rich men do. Before they take their prize hounds for a walk, dog owners place leather muzzles around the mouth and then take the leash. That way, you reduce the chances of them running amok. You have too many political hounds barking everywhere and threatening everyone; so much so that people are beginning to ask when they will settle down. I will not even name them because they would read this analogy as an insult and come for me. Jubilee MPs gave you the list; they too are fearful of them. On this score, Ruto also has a lot of taming to do.

6.   Run, brother, run…from Anglo Leasing: Remember John Githongo told you as Opposition leader that Anglo Leasing “is us!’’ David Ndii gave the example of that cartoonish detective who set out to track a thief and the footsteps brought him right back to the house where he started. By the way, Kibaki and Raila too were under pressure to pay and top media executives were even called for advance briefing but then they decided to let the next administration, now yours, deal with it. Forget about the legal technicalities and speak in one voice; and the euro bond can wait. Please keep running, Sirs.

7. Slay the dragon of corruption and stop wastage in Government: I just noticed new additions to your convoy, all armoured. The 4-wheelers you banned as Finance minister are also back. Soon all your State VIPs will be in armoured RCVs in the name of Al-Shabaab. The floodgates of wastage in Government offices are completely open; just ask how much the biro on your desk costs. Meanwhile, we are consuming more than we generate,  and this can only end in one thing. But as if that is not enough, we are planning to cut the public wage bill by sending civil servants home to rot and die in squalor. As we do this, we spit in the faces of the donors we have always had by our side, however turbulent the relations have often been, and embrace the devil we don’t know.

8. Cast the image of a statesman: We have had formal, stiff and stern presidents, but we know we never took for granted what they said. That is who we are, and little has changed. Now, with due respect, I request you to reduce the giggles, jokes and fun you share with your friends in public meetings being relayed live on TV. It may be a ‘digital’ culture, but it not only demystifies the Presidency, as you want, it also cheapens and devalues the seriousness Kenyans accord it.

9. Always remember 2017 is not 50 years away: Play the game well and you will be back without a sweat; do it shoddily and you will be on the reserve bench in 2018. The laptops for schools project has gone up in smoke, and a lot more is not working. No, roads alone won’t help, especially of Chinese descent. Start with that which will reduce the cost of energy and food. To reap more from this, go back to No. 3.

10. Ignore Raila at your own risk: On the perceptions driving Kenya, especially on how disorganised your government of contradictions often is, your advisors fail the moment they focus more on Raila than the root causes. Please ask them to “up their game”.

Nice weekend, Sirs. If circumstances were better, we would share a kibuyu of mursik without forgetting a little libation for our fathers and grandfathers