Abstaining from sex will not end male battery

Last week, I came across the most ridiculous proposition since Mr Joseph ole Lenku, stuck in a morass of insecurity and at pains to provide Kenyans with safety, declared the innocence of Al Shabaab who were blamed for insecurity and branded the opposition the culprit.

Hapless pretenders to the macho kingdom are running scared. Apart from beatings and having knives literally stuck in their bodies, their ‘transformers’, as comedians Mwala and Wilbroda, jokingly refer to male genitalia, are in danger of being forcibly divorced from their host bodies. There is a role reversal and men are now whining, the brutality they cheerfully meted on women having been turned on them.

Maendeleo Ya Wanaume is a disgrace to the menfolk I wouldn’t want to be associated with. Even if I were to be forced to join it, they would have to tie me up first and then deliver me at their offices in a box to take my finger prints. The bulk of reported cases of violence where women beat men senseless, tattoo their unwashed bodies, render them toothless and decapitate them are localised to areas where illicit, poisonous concoctions laced with methanol do not faze men whose brains, assailed by fumes from methanol, have long since turned to jelly. Their vegetative states are not amorous or endearing to women who are compelled to get into roles and situations God did not intend for them.

Ponder this. Why, for instance, does a woman leave the comfort of her parents’ home where she probably sleeps on a bed some guys can never hope to own, eats sumptuous meals many blokes only see in movies, a 54-inch television and posh cars to marry a dude living in a ghetto? Is it because the Bible says so, or because society expects it? A man may be handsome, suave, rich; the proud owner of a dream home or one of those top of the range contraptions on wheels. These are added advantages, the allure that brings her closer to you. Nevertheless, a man’s ability to perform a simple biological function regularly is the sweetener. Gentlemen, if you are not up to scratch, your wealth counts for nothing, she will look for that emotional connection elsewhere and if she gets mad enough, she will make you squat every time you want to pass water.

Conservatively, 80 per cent of cases causing Maendeleo ya Wanaume chairman Nderitu Njoka,  sleepless nights are localised in Nyeri and Embu, where men drink themselves into a stupor. Once inebriated, women blend with the furniture in house. They lack the capacity to provide for the material, physical and emotional needs of their women. There is a limit to the stress human beings can take and these guys need a little re-awakening, except I don’t approve of detaching the ‘transformers’. These are the guys Mr Nderitu should be addressing, they need help.

Virile men will not sexually abstain to humour Nderitu. You cannot regulate sex unless someone intends to conjure up a special ‘sex squad’ to be deployed to homesteads. Men are wired to function at two levels; above the neck and below the belt. There is no arguing with the ‘little head’ once it makes up its mind to be noticed. Nderitu should be asking men to be responsible. They should appreciate their wives, love, respect and give them space; it’s all they ask for. Women need companionship, it was the reason you got married in the first place; being together for worse or for good.

Unless they have medical or emotional problems, asking men to boycott sex is tantamount to asking fish not to swim, it’s not possible. Talk of walking up the wall and men will literally do that if the fair sex made itself scarce. A little moment of intimacy every couple of days can keep the family together and, hopefully, make Nderitu redundant. As for you married ladies, granting conjugal rights on a strict prescription basis is the reason for all those wild oats out there; that is the nature of men.