By Jennifer Karina
Charity got together with her girlfriends for their monthly social group meeting and they happily engaged in their domestics before getting down to serious business. Whenever they got together, they compared notes on their joys and challenges in marriage.
Sex was the subject at hand and the women talked about how they were unable to keep up with their husbands’ sexual drives.
“Oh, he is a stallion and I cannot cope with his daily sexual demands,” they joked and shared on various creative ways of saying ‘No’ without offending their partners.
Although Charity joined in the conversation pretending to share in their experiences, these conversations were extremely painful because she was the one who craved for sex, while her husband was not always keen.
Charity was always the one initiating sex and half the time, her husband was tired. This created a deep sense of inadequacy, suspicion and bitterness.
Charity had big expectations of marriage but once in, her ‘big’ day was a disappointment to say the least. Her husband did not measure up to her expectations and since then, sex had continued to be a thorn in her flesh.
This can be a lonely journey because it is not an issue that partners are comfortable sharing with others. The issue is personal, private and potentially humiliating, so it is best shared with a professional therapist.
Individual mindsets on expectations coupled with influence from the media, peers and role models play a major role in forming perceptions of what is a normal sexual experience. Trying to fit into the stereotypes and condemning your relationship is unfortunate.
Many people confuse what is average with what is normal or what is fantasy with what is realistic. On average, men desire sex and initiate it more often than their partners. However, there are great marriages where the opposite is true.
Do not get hung up on what everyone else seems to be doing behind closed doors. What is important is working with your partner towards growing in intimacy. Either partner has the freedom to initiate. After all, we are all different and so are our relationships.
Sex is such an integral part of a healthy relationship and in many cases, it is the glue that binds the partners together in the initial stages of the marital relationship. Sexual satisfaction is of utmost importance in a healthy relationship.